Thank you for writing and the opportunity for me to respond.

Firstly, I do not believe that we should tolerate being treated badly. If people are showing a lack of respect and consideration to you, then it is healthy for you to let them know how their behaviours are affecting you. Sometimes, people are just unaware of the effects of their behaviours, and by you not letting them know they will simply continue with what they’re used to doing. Is it possible that you might be feeling a certain way but showing a different response outwardly?

I know a lot of times I’m feeling pissed off about someone’s behaviour but outwardly I’m smiling or unperturbed (and then I may act out in ‘passive aggressive’ ways!). If I don’t start showing how I’m really feeling, I will end up being very resentful about people and the world in general – yet I have created the whole “the world sucks” reality. The other choice I have is to work on the way I react.

The concept of “accepting the unacceptable” is really more about accepting something in us which we have resisted because it causes us much pain. The strangers, neighbours, bosses etc – or rather, your reaction towards their behaviours – are merely pointing you towards somewhere deeper in you where a resolution is needed. This resolution is between you and yourself.

When this conflict is unreconciled, you will somehow create it in your external world. What happens then is that the intensity of your reactions become exaggerated – for instance, your neighbour’s dog barking can send you into a rage, or an off-handed remark by a colleague can fill you with bitterness for days – because you are projecting a deeper disturbance from inside you to what’s going on outside you.

Use your reactions in your everyday life to find out where your real pain lies. What is it that you’re really pissed off about? Take some slow breaths and reflect on it. What does the feeling remind you of? Don’t worry if you can’t find an answer immediately. By acknowledging that your annoyance may have little to do with your neighbour or colleague, you’re taking the first step in reclaiming your Power. You’re letting your self-inquiry to take you to the place where your true power lies.

Where there is unresolved pain in us, therein lies our Power. Your power does not come from other people giving you respect or consideration – that is what I call ‘false power’ because it is an illusion created by our mind-ego. True power is when we reconcile within ourselves, such that other people have no power over us.

You will likely find that when you accept the unacceptable within yourself, eventually other people will stop behaving in ways that make you feel the way you felt before. Or you don’t notice it or react in the same way you did. And if they do, you can merely assert yourself, without emotion. It becomes a simple act of necessity rather than a mission to win your personal war against Injustice.

I hope this gives you some pointers to move in the direction of finding more peace.

With Blessings,
Amyra

I have dealt with this every day of my life–I try to see things from the other people’s perspectives, and I try to understand. But in the end, there IS no excuse. Rudeness is rudeness, and it doesn’t matter that you’ve had a bad day–you have no right to take it out on someone else! I can’t sleep at night because I have an entire neighborhood of people who own dogs and don’t care enough about them to keep them entertained so that they don’t bark, and they don’t care that the constant barking is a disturbance to others. I work in an office where my career goals are completely dismissed, and I only exist to further my bosses’ careers. I have friends who vent to me every single night, but the moment I complain about something, they dismiss me and tell me I need to let it go.

I CAN’T let it go–it’s WRONG, and by me just saying “oh well” and ignoring it all, I’m teaching others that it’s OK to treat me like crap, because they’re more important than I am. This is why we live in the crappy world we live in–because so many people teach themselves that they have to just accept being treated like crap, so the jerks learn to become tyrants. By accepting the unacceptable, I’m allowing people to treat me like crap, and I can’t do it.