Finding The Gift In An Illness

02 Apr
April 2, 2008

Yesterday, I met up with a friend whom I hadn’t seen for almost three years.  She seemed so different from when I last saw her – her energy is expansive and bright, and she has an aura of peace about her.  The transformation from the last time I’d seen her was stark.  Her depression, the heavy sadness and pain which hung about her three years ago is gone, replaced by a certain presence and relaxed self-assuredness.

She’s a model of someone who took responsibility to change for the better when confronted by what seemed like bad news.  A year ago, she was diagnosed with cancer.  Refusing invasive treatments, she opted to heal herself through addressing her emotional issues.  She attributed her change to the cancer.  “It’s a blessing,” she said, without a hint of self-pity.

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The Anti-Beauty Day

01 Apr
April 1, 2008

I am in a shopping mall, browsing the shelves on a vendor stand lined with beauty products.  I’m intrigued and fascinated by some of the products for sale.  Each product I pick up seems to scream its promise at me:

Lighten Your Nipples!

Flatten Your Tummy! 

Curl/Extend Your Eyelashes! 

Enlarge Your Breasts! 

Slim Your Face! 

I note how I am absorbing this with a detachment that eluded me in the past.  As I recall how in the past I would easily fall victim to such beauty standards and be made to feel inferior, I shudder at what this could do to so many other women who are still struggling with a negative body image.  Being reminded that I wasn’t perfect would’ve gotten me into an obsessive loop of buying hope in bottles, tubes and jars while beating myself up for not being good enough.

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Reconciling The Tension Of Temptation

01 Apr
April 1, 2008

Every now and then, I hear of someone who’s on a diet and refuses to eat out with her friends because she’s afraid of yielding to temptation.  Or the ex-smoker or drinker who no longer socialises with his buddies to stay away from temptation.

While I agree that the best environment for kicking an addiction is one that is removed from temptation (and probably essential in the early stages), that temptation must eventually be dealt with too, for the addiction to be completely healed.

The objects of addiction – drugs, alchohol, TV, internet, porn, food – will always be around, somewhere in our world.  We can’t control their whereabouts nor wipe out their existence.  If your abstinence is dependent on the absence of these things, then it follows that if they surfaced you would fall back to your addiction.

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I Dream Of Spiders

01 Apr
April 1, 2008

Last night, I had “one of those” dreams.  It wasn’t a recurring dream, but the visual and emotional tones were familiar.  It had an ‘epic’ feel about it – stretched out in time and storyline.  There was a certain greyness about it, something macabre even, a bit reminiscent of the movie The Mist.

Firstly, there were spiders.  Lots of them.  I am fearful of spiders.  I was standing in a kind of courtyard in a house.  From where I was, I could see the top of the trees in front of the house, beyond the roof.  Somebody was talking to me.  This person was what I call The Wise One in one of these dreams – usually faceless, gender undefinable, a voice of wisdom imparting a deep and often cryptic message.  I am going to refer to a ‘he’.  He said, “Take a close look at the trees,” although I received it as a fully-formed concept, not in words.

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“Something About Your Face …”

01 Apr
April 1, 2008

Yesterday, I was sitting in an ice-cream shop with a friend, sipping a smoothie, when he looked puzzlingly at me and said, “We need to do something about your face.”

“What, like plastic surgery?” I asked.

“No, nothing that serious… I don’t know, there’s something not quite right about your face.”  Then he asked what I would do if I had gone to a plastic surgeon.  I couldn’t think of anything.  He was sceptical.  “Come on,” he pressed, “you know.”  I told him that I’d wanted a boob job in my 20’s, but not anymore.  He tried to help: “Maybe your nose?”

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