The Amyra Records

Transforming inner worlds since 2008.
peering through the filter of darkness and anxiety by amyra mah

Peering Through the Filter of Darkness and Anxiety

Healing and Transformation, Personal Power, Self-Actualisation

Embracing Bliss and Wonderment as the New Normal

I am just emerging out of a spell of bad influenza, taking stock of what I learned and channelling the higher purpose behind it.  People who know me, know that I rarely get sick; so when I do, I make sure to mine the treasure that it undoubtedly comes with.  Indeed, this was no normal flu.  I feel like I have just woken up from a shamanic fever dream, a dark cacophony of twisted flashbacks as the pathogen excavated long-forgotten psychic debris out of my cells.

Prior to this, I had just recently connected with a powerful insight that all bodily symptoms and illnesses are a form of Sacred Medicine, here to ultimately support us in merging back with our divine self.  To be one step closer to seeing through the illusion of this pretend game of powerlessness and recognising that we are a perfect embodiment of divinity.  Far from powerless, we are infinitely powerful; and we can transition to a life more aligned with the latter. 

The first sign of powerlessness was my utter inability to perform.  As a recovering workaholic and perfectionist, survivor of multiple burnouts, sufferer of the saviour complex… who have subsequently trained herself to love the nurturing quality of doing-nothing and crave for the magicalness of not-knowing… not being able to do something hit me raw in my ill state. 

Then the flashbacks started.  Seemingly random events and scenes from my past popped into my mind.  But they all had one thing in common: they were negative events that I had unconsciously buried.  Nothing really big or dramatic, yet to me serious enough to have the effect of rubbing on my conscience when the fog of forgetfulness lifted.  One by one they rose like the Ghost of Christmas Past, haunting me with vivid reminders that nothing ever gets buried forever.  I thought it reminiscent of the Life Review Process that people with near-death-experience (NDE) often report; I felt I was going through a mild version of that.  The thought connected me with an insight that at least a layer of my ego-self is being called to be brought to its death.     

Purging of demons.

I was immediately reminded of my previous post in which I wrote about the time now being an era where lies are exposed and truth revealed.  I recognised that it must apply to our inner worlds as well.  The things we hide from ourselves, feel bad about, have regrets about… they too are being brought to the surface for our healing at this powerful time of transition.  

Then there are the things that cause us worry, fear and anxiety.  These are things that keep us up at night without us even knowing it.  It has become normal to run on fear, be motivated by worries.  This is neither healthy nor good for us in any way.  Yet our society has accepted it not only as normal but exploited it as a key motivator driving our economy.  We only kick in with our productivity when faced with something scary.  Why don’t we get motivated by something beautiful within us, whenever we like, in the absence of a crisis?

If you’re suddenly seeing echoes of darkness in the fabric of your world – dark events that are cropping up in your personal life – they might be the physical manifestations of these fragments you harbour in some secret part of your mind. 

At some point, it becomes difficult to tell which comes first.  You might assume you have the right to feel anxious since so many stressful situations have occurred and you are stretched to your limits of coping with them.  Operating with an underlying low-grade anxiety has become your status quo.  You will be correct in this statement.  But the truth remains that since you are now locked in a cycle of anxiety and the creation of more anxiety-triggering events, the chicken-or-the-egg inquiry is moot right now.  The most powerful thing to do is to accept that the underlying anxiety which you have tolerated thus far will reveal to you events that mirror those fears that have been hiding from your full awareness, in this big awakening we are in.  This is a cleansing and a healing. 

Weakness is not the same as being helpless.

At the end of the day, what I connected with was a certain weakness in me.  It first registered as helplessness, but I soon learned the distinction.  Weakness serves to rob you of the crutch you’ve been depending on, it is not helplessness itself.  Weakness breaks you out of the hold of something which you erroneously thought was a domain of your power, to help you to stop using that muscle in favour of something more truly powerful.  In the end, surrender was the only option.  That was the medicine: to surrender to the helplessness of it. 

Drowning in the weight of helplessness is hugely uncomfortable.  But therein lies the medicine.  We have to be brought to the brink of what we can and cannot ‘do’ from the perspective of a physical human form, so that we can revisit a totally different means of being.  In the process, we stand to be liberated from our shackles and can explore more of what we are really capable of. 

Clean and sober is more alluring.

Whilst I understood the gift of weakness in birthing a new way, I also yearned to be back on my feet feeling mentally clear and physically strong.  It confirmed to me how much the me today detests escapism.  The allure of substance to get high, check out of my body, numb out pain and avoid facing deep issues is long gone. 

In my flu-medicated state, I craved to do life clean and sober.  Nothing but clean and sober.  Alive, conscious, aware, fully present. 

More than ever, I am so certain that we don’t need any substance to enhance our anything.  Life, and who we are, have more than enough to show us.  Rather than losing more parts of ourselves, we want to recover more of ourselves.  The path is inward, not outward moving. 

There is nothing to do.

It was a strange thing when I lost my voice completely at a certain stage.  Suddenly, my whole identity was challenged.  My voice is a vehicle of my work, a delivery system for my channelling.  Who am I without this way of expressing myself?

I had to make a trip outside on one of the days when I had no voice and encountered another level of helplessness.  All the pleasantries that I took for granted, now I was unable to execute them.  Did I do them for me or for others?  Why? 

In the end, I realised that my awareness is Enough.  There is actually nothing I need to do.  There is no one I need to prove to about who I am. 

Cracking the 3D façade.

I woke up one morning with the thought, “Cracking the 3D façade.”  It was a divine message about the ultimate purpose of my sickness, and I silently repeated it in my mind so as not to forget it. 

All the things we assign power to, how we pack away pockets of our power to validate the realness and horridness of the 3D movie.  Sometimes, the divine will present an opportunity to show us where our power is stuck.  With this knowledge, it is simply a matter of reversing the flow of energy.

emerging into higher light by amyra mah

Reversing Power Drain – Emerging Into Higher Light

Through all of this, a clarity was presented to me.  I had to face the darkness to see the whole truth.  There was no escaping it.  They held in my vision until I could see past them – to reclaim my power and emerge victorious, tipping the balance of creative power back to me. 

It brought to the forefront an awareness that so many of us are conditioned to tolerate living in a survival mode – just coping with stressful situations.  We don’t really believe that we are meant to appreciate the beauty that is abundant in life.  This is a programming. 

What is my biggest learning from the Sacred Medicine?  It is that we must stop tolerating living through fear, worries and anxiety, in favour of what is more aligned with our inherent birthright.  We must put an end to merely surviving, without making any more excuses for why that is normal and realistic, and start making a case for thriving with bliss, expansion, magical awe for this Exquisite Life – throbbing with ecstasy yet undiscovered, awaiting those who dare venture into its mysterious heart.  

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