In 2010, I posted an article, Why People Are Driven To Destroy Themselves.  Today, this article is still the most read among my near-hundred blog posts, a timeless resource on the internet.  People are still searching for answers online to this question.  This informs me that humans are still being impelled by a kind of self-sabotaging dynamic within themselves.  I feel that a sequel is timely, to cater to ongoing demands for deep insights and fresh perspectives on this widely-searched topic.

In this article, I explore what may have developed and changed in the collective psyche fourteen years later – and include angles that reflect my understandings about the human psyche, consciousness and the nature of Existence that have since progressed.

#1  It Is Not You (The Curse of Programmings/Spells).

I decided to start with the bigger picture as having a higher perspective can make the rest that follows in this section less depressing!  Who you really are (not the you who is conditioned by societal norms and standards) is so amazing that there is a force that wants to sabotage you thriving.  I call this force the “counterforce”, the force that opposes the agenda of Light.

The counterforce does so by implanting a bunch of programmings into your system, and they function like spells.  Spells that make you believe you are powerless, living in a limited world where you have no control over people, places and situations.  That the power is outside of you – and you are at the mercy of the government, institutions, economy, bad people, diseases, etc.

These are lies and deceptions perpetuated by the counterforce and their army, which I call “Agents”.  Like in the movie The Matrix, Agents are here to prevent you from waking up from the hypnosis and realising that the power lies in you.  [Ultimately, these forces are actually not that powerful.  Nothing is more powerful than your Light.  At every moment, you have the opportunity to connect back to your divinity, and tip the balance of power towards you.]

Under these spells, you are programmed to progress in the direction of self-destruction.  Because what they want is to annihilate your spirit.  But once the programmings are in place, we take over the job of destroying ourselves.  This is how powerful we are, and the counterforce knows that.  All they need to do is plant the seed and we take it to the next level with our own creative powers.

The effectiveness of the spells depends on you staying in unawareness that you are under a spell.  Once you have an inkling of this Truth, the veil begins to be pierced and power starts flowing back to you.  This is how powerful your Consciousness is.  You imbuing something with your consciousness can yield that thing being transformed.

Knowing this is what drives your self-destructive behaviours can be empowering and start to reverse the energetic direction in your favour.  Allowing you to awaken from the hypnosis once-and-for-all.

#2  You Chose to Play the Game of Powerlessness.

On an even higher perspective, you as a soul did choose to experience powerlessness in this lifetime.  It is a game of pretence, fundamentally as part of your journey of rediscovering you are infinitely powerful.  It is a valid choice.  All your struggles are part of what is akin to a roller-coaster ride (you pay money to experience being frightened to death!).

But the you on a humanly level does not like this choice.  The you who is a computer game avatar, the virtual reality character – playing this game in the physical reality, with links back to the aspect of you that wanted this.

There is something empowering when you know there is an order in the chaos – a clear divine reason behind the drive to destroy yourself.

You could also choose again.  When you connect with your soul in a clear space, devoid of judgements, you are able to unchoose and choose again.

#3  Brainwashed by Trauma and Abuse

Trauma and abuse, especially in early childhood, can condition you to feel small and worthless.  An abuser will manipulate you to feel that way about yourself to make it easier to control you.  If you remained in good self-esteem and knew that you are free, then you might soar away on your own.  Therefore, part of the abuse will include programming you to see and think of yourself as someone not worthy of anything good.

In time, even years after the abuse, that aspect of you if unhealed will likely rear its ugly head.  Sometimes, a person may think they have turned their life around, only to find themselves in a situation that doesn’t seem to match their new identity – and they lose something valuable.

When this happens, usually that person can sense they have done something to sabotage the good in their life.  A moment of disturbing realisation dawning on them, coupled with a deep confusion of where it came from and why.

If this resonates with you, know that you have been made to do it.  Someone programmed you to sabotage yourself.  Someone did it so cleverly that you feel you must destroy yourself.

Everything can be healed.  If you reflect on it, you will probably realise you have been running away from the pain of the abuse by escaping, numbing out, addictions, and even being destructive.  The way out is to stop these defensive tactics and start facing the pain.  Just by not running away, the pain starts to heal and along with it the spell can be broken.

#4  Sabotaging the Good as a Form of Self-Punishment

If you know you have done something you intensely regret, when faced with things going well you may sabotage your success and happiness.  Are you destroying the good in your life because you feel you don’t deserve it, considering your perceived wrongdoings?

Another strategy (usually unconscious) is choosing to stay in an abusive situation as a form of self-punishment.  You may justify it to yourself in a number of ways (read Why We Stay In Abusive Situations) but ultimately you’re choosing to experience more pain and hardship by staying in it.  Somewhere in you, you have calculated the risks and consequences, and made the decision in favour of the level of destructiveness you know will come with this route.

To arrest this pattern of destroying yourself, the wounds that drive it need to be healed.  The work to heal yourself deeply has to be done.  Those broken-off fragments of your consciousness as a result of self-beating must be retrieved and merged back to the whole of you.

#5  Annihilating It All to Find the Spirit

In my original article, I shared that there is a spiritual, existential component within self-annihilation.  The idea that we are driven to find out what is left when everything we know is gone.  That ultimately it is a search for Spirit and the true meaning of life.

Today, this is truer and more pertinent than ever.  In the last fourteen years, the consciousness of humanity has evolved by leaps and bounds.  We are drastically shifted out of the very dense 3D way of operating.  It takes less time and effort to heal, transform, awaken these days than before.  What it also means is, we’re closer to merging back to our divine self than ever.  Simply put, we know we are spiritual beings.

As such, the crave to reach that final reunification with our divinity amidst a so-close-yet-so-far sentiment can generate even more pain.  This pain can drive us to be self-destructive.  If people destroying themselves appear to be more intense now, this is why.

Despite the motivation, however, there is no honour in seeking divinity this way.  As I wrote in the original article:

“But we go about it the wrong way – we fight, we conquer, we destroy, when the way to spirit is to relax all resistance, give up all judgements and see what’s left there.  Spirit is found not by doing something but by undoing.  If you simply relax into being, you will see and feel spirit right here.  It has always been here.”

Signs Of Destroying Yourself (That May Not Have Occurred To You)

If you’re still asking, Do I really belong to the category of people who destroy themselves? – here are some clues.

Red Flag One: You Destroy Others

Self-destruction usually begins with destroying others first.  This can manifest as you becoming an asshole and destroying a relationship that was going somewhere, sabotaging a promising career, ruining opportunities to take your professional life to the next level…

If you’re locked in a phase of blaming others for where you are at in life, explore if this might be relevant for you.  Is there an element in the mix of you pushing people away, especially people who love and support you, so that you end up marinating in self-hatred?

Red Flag Two: You Are Numbing Out In Addictions

To cope with your self-hatred, you may turn to drugs and alcohol to knock you out of consciousness.  But your addiction can amplify your self-destructive behaviours.  Addiction never improves any situation, only worsens it.

If you’re struggling with an addiction, answering these questions can give you the insights to clarify the deeper motivations behind your addiction:

• Is your addiction to distract you from a problem or issue?
• Are you using X to avoid dealing with something? If so, what is it?
• What does X allow you to move away from?
• What are you hiding with your addiction?
• What does it allow you to move closer to?
• What does X allow you to achieve?

Red Flag Three: Violent Change in Behaviours

You’re prone to displaying sudden shifts in position, stance and viewpoint about someone or something.  Usually driven from a place of shame and powerlessness, this reactionary explosiveness is an unconscious attempt to correct something internally.  The consequence is, you leave a trail of broken relationships behind you.

These behaviours are projections of your own pain within, played out to preserve the last drop of dignity, yet the damaging effects on others and yourself are clear.

Red Flag Four: You Care Too Much Until You Don’t Care Anymore

You show a pattern of being very caring but then arrive at a stage where you stop caring.  It’s all or nothing.  Perhaps you tend to make empty promises; under the mound of unfulfilled promises, you crack and leave the scene.  You shut down, or go in search of new promising land.

But these feelings of having failed or disappointed others will continue to eat at you and circle back to you destroying yourself (see #4 above).  Empty promises are made to cope with a sense of low self-worth; thus, addressing this core issue will enable you to begin on the path to liberation.

 How To Stop The Cycle Of Destroying Yourself

I. Change Is Possible.

One of the reasons people are tormented by the idea that they might be destroying themselves is the sense of losing control of themselves.  It can rock the foundation of your sense of self, creating self-doubts and confusions.

Here’s a different perspective you might not have considered: It is not that you can’t help doing it, it is that you keep choosing this path.  Therefore, you DO have power over your patterns and behaviours.

The remedy is to become more aware of this choice you are currently making.  At every moment, you can choose again.  The point of power is Now.

II. It Is Not the Only Option

Self-destruction is a behavioural response to deep pain within.  You’re locked in a dynamic where your learned response is to destroy yourself.

But there is nothing you can’t shift.  Any pains can be healed, any issue can be resolved, any wrongs can be corrected – if you give it a chance.  Self-destruction is not the only option for you.

III. Build Yourself Up, From Inside.

At the end of the day, what drives you to destroy yourself is a shaky foundation of self within you.  The way to reverse the pattern is to strengthen and solidify your sense of self, so that you become someone you can be proud of.  Gradually, as you relate to yourself more positively, able to see the divine light in you, the path will slowly turn around to you wanting to nourish and nurture yourself.

IV. Be Closer to Spirit.

Cultivating a closer relationship with Spirit will go a long way in your healing.  To know that a benevolent force is behind you can pave the way for your self-forgiveness.

Imagine being imbued by divine consciousness.  Feel the balming effect of being bathed in unconditional love.

V. Start Correcting the Energy Imbalance.

The energy we give and receive comes in many different forms.  Very often, people think of giving and receiving only in terms of money.  Yes, money is a form of energy exchange but there are other things that we value such as emotional support, kindness, companionship, attention, generosity and consideration.

There are actions you can take that will not only restore balance but make you feel better about yourself.  For instance, in relationships where you had taken more than given, how might you give to those persons right now?  In other words, don’t wait until you are rich to start talking to someone who has been there for you.

VI. Reel Back the Blame.

In situations where you’re projecting your wounds by blaming someone, reel it back.  Who do you blame?  Know that you are acting out an unhealed wound.

Only when you’ve reeled back your blame can you connect deeper into where you pain really is.  Who hurt you, really?

VII. Slow Down and Soften.

All the preceding points in this section will work better if you do this first.  Start by taking a few conscious breaths, slowing down the pace of inhale and exhale, allowing your breaths to reach deep inside you.  This creates spaciousness, where truth and options can be presented.

Then soften towards yourself.  Make everything you do, hold, think, feel towards yourself soft.  Amidst the challenges you’re facing, you can still soften towards yourself.  This is a powerful remedy for so many issues, whatever they are.

It is healing, transformative, profound.

Ultimately, the way out of self-destruction is by finding your way back to yourself.  Self-forgiveness is a natural progression in this sacred passage.  Before long, you will arrive home in your home within, face to face starkly with your soul: pure, pristine, peaceful.  Where is that drive then?